Letting go of my son

I listened to another Ed Dobson sermon in the car today. He spoke about Genesis 22, the story of God's testing of Abraham and the sacrifice of Isaac. One thing that stuck out strong to me was when Dobson spoke about the faith that Abraham had in God as he let go of his son and put him in God's hands. Dobson has a son who is currently on his second tour in Iraq. This is a daily struggle for him. I so struggle letting go of the people that I love.

Today Ben went to Chicago with Grandma Shube. He will be gone until Sunday. They will have a great time seeing family, riding the train and eating Chicago dogs. I will miss him so much. On my drive today I already began to get choked up. I really want what God has for me today though. I know that involves giving Him my family. I know that will be difficult. I know that it will only become more difficult as God tests my faith as God "tested Abraham" (Gen. 22:1). I am already looking forward to Ben's call tonight.

John Piper's thoughts on grieving as a grandfather

I have felt like a bit of a voyeur in watching through the world wide web a family grieve the loss of their child, niece, granddaughter. It has been amazing to watch though and God has used it to draw me into prayer for them and for others currently suffering. It has also drawn me into a deeper gratitude for God's many mercies. I wrote Abraham a short note in response to Pastor John's original post about the loss. I need to take more time though and pass along how much God has used this. When I have walked through suffering I have had such a longing for redemption: redemption of myself, but mostly redemption of my circumstances. I always want to know that God is using it all somehow. I want their family to know that there is a man sitting in a little office at Century College crying as he reads the latest blog post about their grief. I want to show them that my heart is hurting and changing.

I hope that God is drawing you into the suffering of others as I seek to share these thoughts. Thank you Tricia, for your comments on my original post. I am glad to know that these words touch.

Read Pastor John's thoughts that he shared at Felicity's funeral this morning here. As a parent, my heart breaks to think that some day I will hold the hands of my children as they walk through sufferings and grief. These are good and true words.

Continuing to grieve and pray for the Piper family

As I wrote a few days ago, our pastor's son and his wife lost their little girl. Her name was Felicity. One of Abaraham's (Pastor John's son) co-workers wrote a poem about her that I thought was especially significant. You can read it here. Please continue to pray for the Piper family.

Matty's birthday

I forgot to post a little about Matty's birthday. We sure had a fun day. He is starting to really catch on to things. Although I don't think that he knew that it was his birthday (or even what that means.) He got all embarrassed when we sand "Happy Birthday" to him. He's funny.

The highlight of my day was definitely our breakfast. Instead of the Cobblestone Cafe, we decided to go to McDonald's. Matt wore his Elmo slippers and we just spent time together. We were a little distracted by the old guys playing cribbage, but that really only added to the ambiance. If you're ever interested in a good cribbage game, I think they're there every morning.

Children are a gift from God

Psalm 127:3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.

Yesterday at church before a baby dedication service, it was announced that our pastor's granddaughter had been born still born on Saturday. As I sat and watched our campus pastor dedicate the new babies and held the hand of my son, I cried for Pastor John, his son and their family. I thought of the many people that I love who have struggled or are currently struggling to have children. I thought of how blessed we are. I squeezed Benjamin again.

It often seems empty for me to offer my heart hurt to people who are struggling with bearing children. I have four children of my own. Because I love my kids so much though, I can imagine what the longing must be like to want children and be unable. I have prayed for each of you this morning. I have cried for each of you.

What are we to do amidst this and so many other sufferings? Are you alone? Are you hurting? Are you disappointed? Are you tired? Are you questioning why? At best, we can offer the words of Job during his sufferings, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face" (Job 13:15). Or Job's response when he found out that all of his children had been killed. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised" (Job 1:21). These responses seem distant at times. They are those of a Saint.

The thing that I am learning to cling to is that God loves me and that he wants my good. This is different, I think than a simple trite pat on the back. This is a relationship with the creator of the universe who is FOR ME! I don't really understand all that means. I struggle with it.

Wherever you are this morning, join me in praying for our pastor and his family. Join me in praying for people walking through various valleys. Pray that they might experience the presence of God.

Matthew Bradley, our fair haired boy

I haven't written much about Matt-t-t lately. He is something else. He is really starting to talk a lot. He repeats anything you say. The other night we were eating my birthday dinner which would be followed by cake. We usually sing a hymn after dinner. The moment the song finished, Matthew said, "CAKE." We are usually privy to at least one story like this every day.

The boys found the above Elmo slippers in the basement a few days ago. Matt has been WAY into them since. It is sure fun to watch each of our kids grow and watch their personalities change and be revealed. Matthew is definitely an interesting character that will bring continued joy to our family in the coming years.

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A great day with Ben

We had a great day with Benjamin yesterday. Here's a recap in photos.

Our morning started with breakfast for Ben and me at the Cobblestone Cafe in downtown WBL. This is our second year of this tradition and it was another very rich morning.






We then loaded everyone in the car and met Shube at the MOA (Mall of America). This is how Ben wanted to spend his birthday. We hung out at the Lego store for a while, rode some rides and then went to Rain Forest Cafe for lunch. If you're interested in a nice quiet lunch at the MOA, this is not the place for you. The boys think it's great though. Caleb didn't really like the first "thunder storm".



We ended our evening with presents and Ben's choice of pork chops and broccoli for dinner. (I'll write more some other time about presents and kids. I think it is an interesting topic and one that I have been thinking a lot about.) After dinner we cut into our Lego cake. It was fun to show this to Ben when he woke up in the morning. He said right away, "It's a three-er (what he calls a lego piece with three dots on top.)" Caleb said, "I want a Lego cake for my birthday, except I want mine to be blue."

All in all, it was a great day. I am so thankful for my family and the gift that they are.

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Now playing: Indigo Girls - Mystery
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