My wish list publication has raised some questions. Here is my mom's comment from an earlier post.
"I'm so glad you like the thermos. It's not exactly an exciting gift, but came right off of your kaboodle list. I, for one, am a big fan of gift lists. I know the excitement of a surprise is lost, but you do get what "you always wanted" and it saves trips to the store to return the gift you didn't want or like. Or, worse yet, it keeps you from pretending you like something and then stashing it in the closet and hoping that the giver doesn't notice. I'd be interested in hearing how others feel about wish/gift lists."
In my opinion, a wish list is definitely second best. The best way to receive a gift is from a person who is involved in your life and who knows what you would like. This is also the most fun way to give a gift. It is great when you know the person is going to love your gift. Unfortunately our communities and families are fragmented to the point that this intimacy is difficult if not impossible. Gift giving has become expected, scheduled, mandated and formalized. What do you think? To wish list or not to wish list?
UPDATE:
For those who have asked for gift lists and for those who use them, please don't take offense to this post. I wish we were all closer together so that we wouldn't need wish lists. But alas, that's not the way that God has written it. So, wish list if you will or don't wish list if you won't.
4 comments:
I'm completely against wish lists. With that being said, I just helped Alex work on his a bit.
I think receiving one gift that communicates "I know you and know you will like this" is monumentally more meaningful than receiving 4 gifts off a wish list. And if we aren't close enough to each other to know what someone would like, then why are we buying them a gift? I know, I know, there are lots of arguments against this. But basically, wish lists are a byproduct of the materialism that has crept into celebrations, mainly Christmas.
Don't get me wrong...I like getting gifts--even those off a wish list--but being an idealist, I long for something more.
Alex and I never discuss the gifts we give each other. It's always a surprise and we enjoy that.
This post has also spurred some off-blog discussion as well. I agree with Tricia. It is much better to get a gift that someone has asked for and to have them be excited/thankful than to disappoint. I also think that it was a good lesson for me to get the sweaters from my grandparents when I was growing up. You don't always get what you want and you still have to be grateful. Isn't that how life is? I will continue to do wish lists for our family. My mom said that she like the wish list because it gave her insight into interests that we all had. In other words it was a way for her to connect with us. That's a good enough reason for me.
--Andy
I second Andy's update. I hope my comment wasn't offensive. I don't do lists, but am certainly fine with others doing them. I tend to be a bit "passionate" at times. That's the nice word Alex uses for "not keeping my big mouth shut" I think.
Your post about gift lists has made me think. You have a point about knowing someone so well that you "just know" what they would like and you have the fun of surprising them. I think that should certainly be the case for those that live within your home, but when family and friends are scattered all over the country and don't see each other as often as they would like, I'm not sure that it is reality....would be nice if it was, but not reality. That's where the gift list is great and I have found that the lists give me insight into interests that I didn't even know that person had. Call me uninvolved relationally if you like, otherwise I would already know these things about the person, but remember distance etc. etc. etc. I love giving gifts and trying really hard to find just the right thing and I can do that with just a little insight into areas of interest...i.e. Gigi's Book of the Month Club, but when I don't have any clues, it makes it really hard to find just the right thing. I like to think that the person with the gift list doesn't know which item on the list I am choosing, so there is still a bit of a surprise. I also am disappointed when the recipient of the gift doesn't like what I gave, so the gift list takes care of some of that.
Another aspect of gifts that you haven't discussed is thankfulness on the part of the person receiving the gift. We have come a long way from the day of actual hand written thank you notes which I think is unfortunate. I like to think of the idea of gifts as a circle which spreads love and kindness from the giver to the receiver and then back to the giver. I have "lowered my standards" from handwritten thank you notes to feeling that emails and/or phone calls are good too. I've decided that any kind of reaction to a gift is great, but I do think that confirmation of having received a gift and expression of appreciation is important. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my feelings are a bit hurt when I don't receive them and I feel very guilty when I don't do the thanking part when I get a gift. Thus, your blog post about really liking my gift of the thermos made me happy and glad that you liked it. I hear lots of things from people like "I'm so busy", "I just don't have time", blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I think those are lame excuses. Most people are busy, pressed for time, etc. etc. How long does it take to send an email, make a phone call, write a short note?? As you can see I have some rather strong feelings about this issue and since it's tied in with the gift lists I thought I'd toss my thoughts out there. What do you think?
Post a Comment