Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Friendships: Do you have them? How did you get them?

In my earlier post about friendships, I postulated that putting someone in your debt was one way of initiating a friendship. Abigail from our small group, said that she thinks the most important component of lasting friendships is commitment. Read her post here.

Here's my response to her post. What do you think? Do you have meaningful frienships? How did you get them? Please enter the conversation.

You’re right on. Commitment is a two-way street though. It is something that has to be mutually agreed upon. No one is married to someone who does not want to be married.

I have been a part of groups of friends like this. Strangely it mirrors marriage more than one might think. There often has to be a “ceremony” at the beginning where the commitments are made and agreed upon. What are we going to commit to each other. There are hard times, struggles, highs and lows. The commitment has to be constantly renewed.

So what does this look like pragmatically? If there is a person that I would like to be friends with (not just say hello friends), then I have to ask for that persons friendship. If the offer is accepted, the commitment is made and the adventure begins. At what point should this offer be made? Difficult question. There should probably be a time of acquaintance. But then a decision is made, will this person be my friend or will we wane towards nothing. In relationship, there is no such thing as static. It should happen sooner than later though.


Sharon said...

Friendships have been such an important part of my life and God has blessed me many more times than I deserve with wonderful friends. I've had friends at work who have been just that, work friends. They were wonderful people and great to work with...cooperative, pleasant, hard working etc. but there always seemed to be something missing. Then I've had friends who loved Jesus and were committed to Him and in turn, committed to me, and that has made all the difference. They have loved me when I wasn't very cooperative, pleasant, etc. and I have tried to return that love in kind. I can't really speak to how I got these friends, except to say that God brought them into my life. I usually met them at the church I attended and became involved in some kind of service together. We got to know each other and when there was joy to share, we shared it, and when there was sorrow and difficulty we shared that too. There have been times when even the best of friendships have been challenging and I've had to be patient and tolerant, as I'm sure my friends have had to be patient and tolerant with me. It's for sure something that takes time, thoughtfulness, kindness, and work, but it's sure been worth the effort for me.

jenny said...

This is a wonderful post and a weighty subject. Ben and I talk often about the importance of biblical friendship and unfortunately, it is a hard thing to find within even Christian community. I think both you and your friend, Abigail, sum it up all really boils down to commitment. Sure there are days my husband or kids can get on my nerves, but I know we are always here for each other and truly love each other unconditionally....we don't just walk away and move onto the next best thing. Why is it so much harder to have this kind of commitment in friendships? I have to say, that many of my constant, loyal friendships are those from Taylor. Ben and I have also been blessed with great, godly friends since being out of school, but have also seen friends come and go in regard to their commitment level. I think at the root level, our desire for committed friends does make us yearn more for eternity...when our relationships will be mde perfect. If you haven't read, "Same Kind of Different as Me", pick up a copy...a beautiful, true story of an unlikely, committed friendship.
Thanks for this post,
Jenny C.